I have been neglecting my blog a bit recently – not because I don’t have any time, but because the time I do have I tend to have a baby snuggled up on my chest making typing difficult, so I have been watching a lot of TV and spending a lot of time just watching him sleep!
Jackson is now 3 weeks old and I am so totally in love with him it’s crazy!
I’m not going to deny that it’s been hard. There have been times that I’ve wondered what on earth I’m doing (admittedly these times tend to be 4am when he’s screaming with hunger and won’t latch on and won’t be soothed and I’m on my own and I just end up in tears) but these times go, soon to be followed by a time when I look at him and realise I wouldn’t swap this experience for anything.
Small everyday things have become a real feat with a newborn in the house. Cooking dinner for example has to wait until he is asleep in the crib or happy in the bouncy chair, which is not a common occurrence – he doesn’t easily settle anywhere apart from on people! And it’s a small miracle if I get a chance to have a shower – the one time I’ve tried to shower while on my own I had to get out 7 times to resettle him, so I wait for people to come round to look after him while I have a quick shower – choosing between washing my hair or shaving my legs is a hard choice, however my family have been amazing, popping in to see if I need any help and I know they are just a phonecall away and there have been a couple of times that, with a colicky baby and my head about to explode that I have used this.
It is amazing though – in three weeks he is almost unrecognisable from the baby I gave birth to, looking back at pictures now it’s scary how much he has changed so quickly.
I find myself taking hundreds of photos, but I’m also afraid I’m not taking enough, with him changing so quickly I don’t want to miss a thing. We are having a professional shoot next week so hopefully I will get some lovely shots of him as a newborn so I can stop panicking quite so much that I haven’t got any nice high quality ones.
We have been to visit his sisters grave a couple of times already. This is somewhere he will be visiting frequently as he grows up, as he learns about his older sister. Ever since I learnt I was having a boy I was glad in a way that I wouldn’t have the opportunity to compare him to Effy-Mae in the same way that I would if I was having another girl, however as soon as he was born both myself and my mum commented that he had his sisters mouth. I like this fact that you can see her in him, that in a small way she lives on through him.

The last few weeks have been an amazing experience, one that has made me grow as a person and get to know my little boy. He knows me now, the health visitor commented today that he wouldn’t take his eyes off me when she was doing her observations on him which obviously, as his mummy, makes me feel amazing!