In Her Name

Today should have been my daughters first birthday – had things have gone differently.
Today I realised she was being forgotten.

Since I lost Effy-Mae, I, like many other bereaved parents have sworn to keep her memory alive. Like parents of living children protect their children, bereaved parents protect their child’s memory. Today I realised I am failing her.

So I am going to step up my attempts to keep her memory alive by being more public about things I am doing or going to do in her name.

First is only a small gesture – when I was pregnant with Jackson I started knitting hats for the NICU at our local hospital with the wool left over from the blanket I knitted for her. From there I just couldn’t stop knitting, knowing the hats were for a good cause. I started this project off, like I said, when I was pregnant, but since Jackson arrived I haven’t had much time to carry on, but I will get back to it when life calms down a bit here, and I shall write some blog updates and tweet about how I get on knitting hats for babies born too soon.

My second way is a bit bigger, and for anyone who knows me they will know how out of character it is for me to willingly partake in any exercise, let alone say that I shall run a marathon (maybe not this year, or next, but I will. I won’t stop training until I do it)
It’s been my aim since she died to run a marathon to raise money for a miscarriage and baby loss charity – I haven’t decided which one yet as I haven’t had any dealings with any, but I decided to concentrate on giving her a little brother or sister first. I have now done this with her gorgeous little brother Jackson and what better way to shift the baby weight than training?! I mentioned it to my physio and she thought it was a great idea but recommended I wait until 12weeks after birth to start running. So in 2 weeks I will be starting right from the bottom. I have never exercised much, anyone who knows me will agree I am the worlds biggest couch potato, but for her I would move mountains – infact I’m going to move myself off the sofa and that’s a bigger feat!
So keep checking back for updates and look out for #RunningForEffyMae on twitter for updates on how my training is going!

I will never do what some people manage in their baby’s names. Her name will never be known in homes up and down the country as some are managing, but I hope to be able to keep her memory alive in a small way, and make my baby girl proud of me.

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1 Comment

  1. I’ll help hold her memory for you. All we moms who have lost a little one can hold a candle together for all the babies we will never forget. Love to you and I hope the training goes great!!

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  • An 'Angel Baby' is a baby lost during pregnancy or early childhood, who sleeps in the clouds instead of our arms.

    A 'Rainbow Baby' is a baby born following the loss of an 'Angel Baby', a beacon of hope after a storm, while not denying the storm happened.

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