On Friday I turned 19 weeks! It is scary how quickly it seems to be going now – the first few weeks after I found out seemed to drag so much, yet here I am now coming up to halfway, though thinking that I have this length of time to go again, it seems a long time again! Thankfully I will be having a scan every month from now on though, this two months of not checking on little Shrimp has been torture! It’s getting better now that I am feeling movement more regularly though, atleast I have a reassurance that I can rely on.

You may remember that a couple of posts ago I wrote about looking for a dress to go to a relatively posh do in. I spent a day in the city and eventually found a dress to wear.
So last night I got all dressed up – ok, I spent most of the day getting ready – where did all this extra hair on my head come from? I swear it now takes double as long to wash and style (Not helped by me not knowing what style to do and I believe I probably exhausted all the youtube tutorials before giving up and making it up as I went!)
Eventually ready I posed for some photos for my mum, and honestly I love the dress. From the side I was obviously pregnant, but from the front you couldn’t really tell, and the best part – because the dress isn’t a maternity dress I can wear it again and again, and I will because I really love it!

So being out for the evening and busy all day getting ready I hadn’t had any time to sit down and concentrate on feeling Shrimp move. A couple of people asked me throughout the evening if Shrimp was enjoying themselves and I think a look of panic had to have come into my eyes each time I replied that I hadn’t felt any tiny dancing tonight. I enjoyed the evening, pushing those fears to the back of my mind, forcing myself into believing that I only hadn’t felt any movement because I hadn’t been concentrating on it.
When I got home at half 1, one of my mums first questions was whether Shrimp had enjoyed it! I forced myself to relax, as I’m normally dosing off at about 8 or 9 in the evening I knew I should go straight to bed having not had any naps all day. I managed to push it from my mind promising myself that if I didn’t feel anything I’d check first thing in the morning.
This morning I had my breakfast and sat with my hand on my belly, knowing it would be unusual for Shrimp to be awake so early, and so I wasn’t any more worried when I didn’t feel any little kicks against my hand, however having not used my doppler in the last few days I felt no guilt in having a little check. It took a while of wooshing crackly silence, all the time my heart was in my mouth and I wasn’t breathing, but eventually there was the fast tap tapping of Shrimps heart. I checked it against my own heartrate to make sure it wasn’t mine, and then the noise dissappeared. I moved the probe around a little and it came back, clearly Shrimp decided to play hide and seek with me! I sat there listening to the heartbeat for a minute, then turned off the doppler. without turning it off I would just sit and listen all day!

I have a feeling this fear isn’t going to go away, that until I give birth any time I don’t feel anything I’m going to panic. I think the fear is probably heightened because I only have 2 weeks to go until the stage in pregnancy I lost my little girl, but noone has indicated to me it is likely to happen again. We shall see what they say at my 20 week scan in 4 days!!