Denial

I think I’ve gone into denial that I am going to be having a baby in a few short weeks time!
It’s crazy!
I am so used to having a bump that I now pass it off as normal, and don’t associate the movements I am feeling with an actual baby that will soon be on the outside! I talk to Jackson, my boy, little man, but don’t picture him as any more than a bump!
It’s only when I look at my pram, all set up and waiting do I suddenly have a jolt of realisation that soon there will be a baby in there, mine, my son, my responsibility, I’ll be his mummy, his future will be down to me.
Half my mind wants him out, knows that while he is still inside me that there is a chance that something will go wrong, my blood will clot, and he will die. I want him safe. My brain acknowledges that, but at the same time, while he is inside me I know how to look after him, I know what I’m doing. When he’s out I won’t have a clue what to do. I’m hoping nature will kick in at that point, that maternal instinct will help me, but at the same time, not allowing myself to believe I was pregnant for 30 weeks wasn’t helpful, and the fact my brain seems to have gone into denial again just 4 weeks later is even less so!

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  • An 'Angel Baby' is a baby lost during pregnancy or early childhood, who sleeps in the clouds instead of our arms.

    A 'Rainbow Baby' is a baby born following the loss of an 'Angel Baby', a beacon of hope after a storm, while not denying the storm happened.

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