The Countdown Begins

We are now into the last month of this pregnancy, my countdown is no longer in months, but days! (23 days until my due date)

I am now getting excited.
It’s taken a while, and I’m not going to say I’m not still worried – I’m still terrified that something will go wrong at the last minute and snatch this little miracle from me, but touch wood, within 23 days I will get to meet and bring home my healthy little man.
I say I’m excited. I am, when I think about it, when I don’t, I find it very easy to forget I am pregnant at all! I can complain about aches and pains, feeling tired and needing the loo a lot but unless I am actually concentrating I find it very easy to forget why. I suppose this is a side effect of not letting myself believe I was pregnant for so long, that, and the fact that I am still completely disbelieving that there is a baby growing inside me, it’s crazy! I’m pretty sure that that won’t hit home until I deliver him and get to have my first cuddle!
As much as I am trying to mentally prepare myself to bring him home I cannot associate the kicks inside me with an actual breathing, crying baby! The kicks are something that is happening to my body, something weird and alien that I cannot control, but I cannot get my head to link those kicks with an actual baby! Sounds mad I’m sure!

And that brings me on to preparing to bring him home. As you saw a few posts back I have got most things bought ready for him when he comes home, but I have a few bits left, and everything left to sort out, prepare and build! I may HAVE the crib and mattress, but it is still in the box, I may HAVE a lot of clothes ready and waiting, but they are all still in their packets (these are now slowly being worked through). There is a lot of washing to do, of sheets and clothes, but I am getting there. Before my 38 week scan I want to have it ready to bring him home to. Crib built and with sheets and blankets, and his full wardrobe ready to be worn. It is possible that at the 38 week scan they may decide to induce me there and then, so it would be nice to know that if this is the case everything is ready for him at home.

It almost feels like I am planning for someone else’s baby, that it can’t possibly be me this close to getting to meet MY baby, who will rely on me, his MUMMY for the next 18 years. It seems crazy, but at the same time totally right. He is going to be – already is – my whole world, he just needs to come into it now.

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  • An 'Angel Baby' is a baby lost during pregnancy or early childhood, who sleeps in the clouds instead of our arms.

    A 'Rainbow Baby' is a baby born following the loss of an 'Angel Baby', a beacon of hope after a storm, while not denying the storm happened.

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