Mementos To Remember Those We Will Never Forget

If you ask most ‘Angel Mummys’ you’ll find that they have something that they wear that reminds them of the baby they lost.

When I looked through the photos I had taken by my friend and photographer Simon a couple jumped out at me as poignant and it made me think – noone else chose to get a print of them, yet they meant so much to me. Why? Well, they linked my two children.

I will never get a photo of my two babies together. No Effy-Mae holding a small newborn Jackson (carefully, under the watchful eyes of a hovering adult), no sibling school photos. I try and make up for this by taking Jackson to her grave and documenting this, but she will never be in a family photo. Or will she?

A few weeks after losing Effy-Mae, with the pain still raw, I went and got a tattoo. It is my favourite and most meaningful tattoo I have and I love it. I got her footprints, that the hospital took, tattooed with her name on the inside of my upper arm. When Jackson was born one of the first things I did was to put his foot up to my tattoo and compare them. (His were about double the size.) She was part of that moment, she was on my mind, and how could she not be?

As a tribute to both my babies my site title has a photo I took of my tattoo with Jacksons newborn feet, but I wanted a photographers take on my idea to get a photo of his feet with my tattoo. Simon instantly envisaged what I was after and despite it being fiddly to pose taking extra hands to hold Jackson in just the right way, I absolutely love the result -the photo means so much to me, where to others it doesn’t.

 

The other was a photo that he took of Jackson holding my hand, yet its the rings on my finger that give this photo its meaning. I bought one of the rings on Effy-Mae’s first birthday and plan to get the other engraved with her name. By the time the photo was taken I’d been wearing them for a few months (moving them from one finger to another as I gained weight during my pregnancy with Jackson) and I plan to wear them for the rest of my life (or until I wear them out!) Few people know the significance of these rings, but to me they are some of the most important items I own. If I ever take them off to do something and forget to put them back on I feel totally lost.

 

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You may wonder why I need mementos for a baby I will never be able to (nor would I want to) forget. Well, they include her in moments in my life that she would otherwise be absent from. They mean she can be present in family photos and they show others – those who may, in time, forget her – that I don’t want to, and never will.

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1 Comment

  1. You are very right. I wear a necklace with several charms. One has her palm print on it and another has her hand print. I think it is our way of carrying a piece of them with us.

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  • An 'Angel Baby' is a baby lost during pregnancy or early childhood, who sleeps in the clouds instead of our arms.

    A 'Rainbow Baby' is a baby born following the loss of an 'Angel Baby', a beacon of hope after a storm, while not denying the storm happened.

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