2nd Birthday in the Clouds

Happy 2nd birthday in the clouds my girl.
Birthdays are meant to be happy and full of cake and partys and family,
but your birthday just reminds me of what happened,
of what isn’t,
of the member of my family whos missing,
of what will never be.
Your birthday is in June,
4 1/2 months too early.
Your birthday should have been another day,
2nd June shouldn’t be a special day,
I should have been feeling you kick,
just halfway through my pregnancy.
If you’d been born alive you couldn’t have survived.
It was too early.
I can’t bring myself to celebrate the day I gave birth to you.
it wasn’t a happy day,
I didn’t get to meet you that day,
you were already gone.
I didnt get to bring you home.
But all that said it is still your birthday,
still the day my body tested itself and went through labour – a labour of love so I could see you.
A labour it had to be forced into to let go of you.
But I can’t celebrate that I had to give birth to you 4 1/2 months early.
I shall instead celebrate the life I carried for those special, precious 21 weeks.
I shall make a cake,
I shall buy you balloons,
I shall bring you presents.
I will make it a proper second birthday for you.
To show you how much I love and miss you everyday, but especially on your birthday.
The day that shouldn’t be.

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  • An 'Angel Baby' is a baby lost during pregnancy or early childhood, who sleeps in the clouds instead of our arms.

    A 'Rainbow Baby' is a baby born following the loss of an 'Angel Baby', a beacon of hope after a storm, while not denying the storm happened.

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