I’ll call this stage one as technically it’s the first day I’ve acted on anything but in reality stage one was when I said to myself I’d never have another child with a man who I couldn’t trust to stick around, to see every moment of them growing up. I wouldn’t put another child through that wonder of ‘why’.

Then, after my last brief attempt at dating ended so disastrously and I realised it wasn’t for me, I started researching, reading about other mums who have done it, seeing what it involves. Since then it’s been about all I can see in my future, another baby, a sibling for my son with no complications, no waiting for a dad to text to see them, no being cancelled on and having to explain to a distraught child. No, just me and my family showering it with love (and a complicated explanation when they’re a bit older but I’m trying not to dwell on that)

So what am I talking about? Becoming a single mum again, but this time on purpose. After all, how hard can it be? I’ve already done it once and I was totally unprepared. This time I’ll be going into it eyes wide open!

And today I sent an email.

I acted on the desire that’s been growing inside me for years, and now I wait.

I’m sure I’ll have to contact a few clinics and that this won’t be a straightforward journey, I know people won’t ‘get it’, that it’s unusual and unnatural and I’ll end up explaining myself over and over, but to me all that matters is completing my family.