Bad Day

Don’t come to me and complain you’re having a bad day.

You’re lucky. 

You can have a bad day and you can walk around with a sour face and yell at people and complain and sulk and throw hissy fits, but I can’t have a bad day.

Even when I feel like I’m about to explode inside I have to be having a good day, at least on the outside. I have to smile and laugh and play peekaboo.

I have to be a mummy. 

I can’t pass Jackson off to someone else and go and cry or beat up a pillow. I can’t shout and scream, sometimes I suppose I’m maybe a bit sharper than normal with him, but not noticeably, it can’t be noticably or he will think that it’s ok to act like that, and that’ll give me a horrible toddlerhood! 

Being a single mum is hard. 

There is no ‘me’ time except when his grandparents take him for an hour or two, but that times finite and irregular. 

I can’t hand him over for a couple of hours on an evening complaining he’s been screaming all day.

Not that I’m complaining, I love my son and all the time we spend together, it’s made us closer and I have come to rely on him being there as much as he relys on me. He’s like an extra limb I cannot be without now, It’s been 8 months of him constantly being there.

But I miss being able to vent without having to be careful about my tone or volume, to not have to do it with a sideways smile for my son so he doesn’t realise, so don’t complain you’re having a bad day, at least you can!

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    A 'Rainbow Baby' is a baby born following the loss of an 'Angel Baby', a beacon of hope after a storm, while not denying the storm happened.

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