I Thought it Would Get Easier

Things progress and change but in my experience this single parenting lark doesn’t get easier!

I know some people will agree and some won’t, but I can only say what’s happened to me, and as time goes on I’m finding doing this on my own harder and harder.

I never got a quiet newborn who would happily lay in his crib, infact I could probably count the nights he spent in his crib on my fingers. I started off determined that he would, but quickly realised that I was fighting a losing battle and he came into my bed from a few weeks old. He’s still there. He helps himself to milk throughout the night, and apart from me sleeping a little lighter (that’s nature to stop me rolling on him) it doesn’t affect me.

I spent the first few months dispairing that I couldn’t put him down. Whenever I did he woke up screaming so for the first few months he was attached to me. I bought a carrier and started baby wearing so I could atleast do SOMETHING! Talking to other mums this isn’t unusual, but I think that being on my own intensified how little I managed to do!

Jackson was early rolling over and although I had never been able to leave him without him screaming I could at least rely on him being there when I came back, however as soon as he started rolling there were no such guarantees. Almost from that moment on he couldn’t really be out of my sight. If I left him it had to be on the floor and downstairs in case he accidentally rolled downstairs or something ridiculous!

At 6 months he started crawling and pulling himself up and since then I have to constantly watch him like a hawk. If he’s not crawling after the cat he’s pulling plugs out of the wall, sucking on chargers or climbing the stairs, eating cat litter or pulling the CDs off my shelves. It’s a nightmare, however much you baby proof your house it will never be baby safe, the only way to do that would be to put him in a pen, something I am loathed to do.

I really enjoyed his newborn days, sitting on the sofa having baby snuggles and feasting on ready meal after ready meal, though I regularly felt like I wasn’t getting much done I revelled in every second of it, just the two of us against the world, for some reason expecting it to get easier, but it’s only got harder. Admittedly I now have my hands free as I no longer have to carry him around, but I have to watch him constantly. I can’t Hoover as he pulls the Hoover over and plays with the wire, I can’t cook because he kicks up a stink sitting in his highchair for too long and I can’t let him crawl around the kitchen. My house has only been properly hoovered once or twice in 9 months and I could probably count the proper meals I have cooked on your fingers.

Don’t get me wrong I love him so so much, I am enjoying every second of him, but I am constantly aware of the list of things that aren’t getting done getting longer and if I’m honest I can’t see much getting done before he goes to school!

Single parenting is a full time job, and I mean 24/7/365. You get no off days, no sick days, and no time to yourself (unless you can rope someone in to babysit for a few hours.) and it’s hard. So so hard, but totally worth it. (Just don’t comment on the fact my washing up isn’t done, and the floors need hoovering!)

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  • An 'Angel Baby' is a baby lost during pregnancy or early childhood, who sleeps in the clouds instead of our arms.

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