Letters To My Daughter

I wrote letters to my daughter 2 years ago today, the day after I delivered her, before I started this blog. Even back then I chose to use writing as my therapy through the hardest thing I’d ever been through.

After reading through them I decided to publish some of my words:

“Ever since I found out I was pregnant all thoughts of my future involved you, then for all of that to be snatched away in a few hours; I didn’t know what to do.”

“You truly are gorgeous, and I am one very proud mum.”

“After what felt like a lifetime, and a second in one, I knew I had to say goodbye to you which felt awful. After giving birth you are meant to keep your child with you and protect them forever, but here I was letting a stranger take you away to do horrible tests and I would never get the future I dreamed for us.”

“Hopefully you are going to be buried in the local cemetery-it’s not quite my arms, but it’s the best place we could find for you to sleep forever.”

“It’s not fair that you came into my life and completed me. The thing missing from my life was a child-you, and then suddenly and irreversibly you have been taken from it again leaving a bigger hole than I had before.”

“I can’t believe that I have to say goodbye to my little daughter, it’s not right!”

“I love you, Jellybean. Now, forever and always. Mummy xxx”

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2 Comments

  1. When I read your posts, I wonder how different my experience could have been if only I had been prepared, if instead pf being told I would only pass clots and tissue the doctor had prepared me to see the tiny body that I saw. I was unprepared, and I panicked, and I’ll regret it every day. Your story touches my heart and, though so different, reminds me of my own in ways. Thank you for sharing the sptry of your little girl.

    Liked by 1 person

    Reply
    • I did have a read of your story on your blog and I’m so sorry that you had to go through that, it must have been incredibly traumatic, especially as you weren’t remotely prepared for it by the doctor! It’s traumatic enough without that. I think the issue is that even medical staff don’t know how to deal with miscarriage in general – I was left to deliver my daughter in a room on my own, I think they see it as a medical thing to deal with where to us it’s not at all!
      Stay strong x

      Like

      Reply

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  • An 'Angel Baby' is a baby lost during pregnancy or early childhood, who sleeps in the clouds instead of our arms.

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