I haven’t responded to this pregnancy how I expected to.
Obviously I’m happy that its finally happened, this was so planned, but I somehow can’t get excited.
I always thought I’d announce as soon as I had my 8 week scan, screw the 12 week rule, I know better than most that you can lose babies at any stage, but that was over a week ago now and I haven’t done anything about it.
I haven’t exactly kept it a secret either though, anyone at work whos seen me go green round the gills and either leg it to a loo or sit down has then been told why, and everyone has been very happy and supportive, but somehow I can’t bring myself to put it up on facebook, make it official.
I’ve had a few less positive comments about having twins, I understand that I had more say in having two than most, but its not as if it wasn’t thought through, and comments like “how will you cope” and “can you afford two?” aren’t remotely helpful, like what am I going to do about it now? They’re both in there… hopefully going nowhere.
At the same time I’m terrified that they will go somewhere, that I will end up with no babies. I can’t bring myself to look at my scan pictures too much, whereas with my first two pregnancies the scan pictures immediately became my wallpaper on my phone, these are hidden in my camera roll only looked at when I need to be reminded that this is actually happening.
I’m hoping that after the 12 week scan I will allow myself to relax a little into this pregnancy, but I’m not confident that will happen.