I wrote out my list ages ago as I had seen that lots of people had their hospital bags ready by 32 weeks and I was beginning to panic, so I worked out what I would need and then set about buying and searching out the things I thought I would need, this has been a rather long, drawn out process leaving my bag half packed for weeks!
I have always been an overpacker – I’d rather have too much and not use half of it than not have something I wish I had. This makes me quite hard to travel with as I always have far too many bags as is proportionate to the amount of time I am away! I can see this being even more of an issue here as I am packing for two of us and I don’t know for how long, how big either of us are going to be afterwards or what the weather is going to be like!!
I started by looking through other peoples hospital bag lists that they had helpfully put on their blogs, and making a list. Each one I read had something different on so slowly my list grew and grew! I then found some sites like Tesco and Babycentre had lists too so I took even more inspiration from there. Finally I thought I had a fairly comprehensive list so I took it around shopping with me!
I managed to pick up lots of the things I didn’t have at Tesco, eg breast pads and maternity pads. I then set about finding things around the house that still fit me and would be suitable. Eg. an old nightdress and button up fronted tops.

So here is the list I have (please tell me if you think of anything I haven’t got on my list!!)

FOR ME

Practical
Baby notes I shall stick a big note to my bag to remember these as obviously they can’t be packed until the last minute!
Car park change I need to check prices so I make sure I pack enough!
Phone charger
A list of phone numbers just incase I forget my charger and my phone dies
Puzzle book incase it is a long labour and me or my mum get bored!

Clothing
Old nightdress for labour
Dressing gown thin as will be mid summer
Fluffy non slip socks
Loose comfy black knickers x5
Nursing bras I plumped for padded 36B from H&M as I am currently only just filling my 34A bras but they could be considered tight round the band
Pyjamas for after the birth button up top for breastfeeding
Loose fitting tops for going home possibly front opening for ease of breastfeeding
Loose fitting bottoms for going home

Toiletries
Maternity pads Tesco own brand. Thick old fashioned ones were recommended by the midwife to ensure they are changed often to minimise infection risk – unlike the modern thin ones that instantly suck all moisture away so you leave them longer
Breast pads
Nipple cream
Face wipes
Shower gel hopefully I get to have a shower after! – I have gone for a Simple one as I’m pretty sure I won’t want chemicals down there anytime soon after!
Shampoo
Deodorant
Toothbrush
Toothpaste
Towel
Hairbrush
Hair bands
Makeup just a little bit so I hopefully look alive in some of the photos!
Contact lenses

FOR JACKSON

Practical
Nappies In sizes 1 and 2 to cover all eventualities. I chose pampers as I am not sure what is good and what isn’t. I’m hoping to use reusable eventually but I will be starting off with disposable
Nappy bags
Nappy cream
Cotton wool balls
Bib
Muslin squares
Blanket
Towel
Small ‘first’ toy

Clothes
Baby grows x6 short armed and legless as it will be warm. In tiny baby and newborn sizes (3 of each)
Sleepsuit
Woollen Hats x2
Cotton hat
Scratch mitts
Going home outfit
Socks
Booties
Cardigan

Thankfully I have managed to get it all in one reasonable suitcase – packing is just like Tetris!

I’m feeling quite prepared now, even if little man arrived tomorrow I’m sure I have enough to cope – I know this is a bare minimums list, but more can be picked up as we go along as I work out what I am using.
Please let me know if you spot anything I have missed!

Travel
Hauck Malibu Travel System includes a carrycot, car seat and push chair along with changing bag and raincover

Bed – Night
Crib
Mattress
Fitted crib sheets x2
Flat crib sheets cotton x2 jersey x2
Blankets – cellular x2 knitted x1 fleece x1
Gro Egg Room Thermometer
Still need to get a monitor – looking at Angelcare AC1100 (movement and video)

Bed – Day
Carrycot from Hauck Malibu Pram
Mattress
Fitted pram sheets x2
Flat crib sheets cotton x2 jersey x2
Blankets – cellular x2 knitted x1 fleece x1

Clothing – Day
Bodysuits no sleeves and no legs newborn x3
Bodysuits short sleeves, no legs tiny baby x3 newborn x12 3-6 months x2
Bodysuits long sleeves, no legs newborn x3
Bodysuit short sleeves and legs newborn
Bodysuit long sleeves and legs 3-6 months
Sweatshirt 0-3 months
Tracksuit bottoms newborn x2
Cardigans hand knitted x2
Wool hats hand knitted x2
Cotton hat
Scratch mitts x3
Booties hand knitted x2 newborn x1
Socks x4

Clothing – Night
Sleepsuits long arms and legs with feet newborn x4
Sleeping bag he won’t be sleeping in this right away as it is quite thick for summer (2.5 tog) 0-6 months

Feeding
Bibs
Muslin Squares

Bathing
Baby bath
Towels
Talc
Baby shampoo
Baby lotion
Baby moisturiser
Nail clippers and scissors
I am looking at getting a bath thermometer as I am terrible at judging temperature!

Changing
Changing Mat
Pampers Nappies size 1 size 2
I plan on using reusable nappies, however I think I’ll have enough to deal with for the first few weeks
Barrier cream
Nappy bags
Cotton wool
Baby wipes

Toys
Hand knitted “Bunny”
TY Beanie Pluffie Penguin
Cow and Gate Cow
I still need to get him a little ‘first’ toy that is small enough for him to hold
He will need a ‘tummy time’ mat

I booked my course of two antenatal classes a few weeks ago, it’s recommended they are taken from around 32 weeks, but I am now 35 weeks so was starting to feel a bit nervous about making sure that I get to attend them before my little man makes his appearance. We couldn’t book them any earlier as Jacksons dad was adamant that he wanted to attend the second class and he was working on all the earlier dates.

I decided when we broke up that Jacksons dad wouldn’t be attending the first class because he isn’t going to be my birth partner. It doesn’t seem we can go 5 minutes without arguing these days and as such he isn’t ideal as someone to keep me calm during labour. The other reason is that he lives 30 miles away, so in terms of ensuring he is there on time it would be more difficult to guarantee. My mum will be my birth partner, and attended the class with me. She only lives 15 minutes away and therefore should be able to get to me in time. I assume Jacksons dad will want to be there to see his son being born, but it is entirely up to him and not something we have discussed yet, but it will be purely to see his son, my mum will be supporting me and as such it was important to me that she came to the class so she knew what was happening as things have changed a lot in the last 20 years!

At the class there were 8 pregnant women, some with partners, mums and sisters, and some on their own sat on chairs round in a semicircle. There was a midwife and a student midwife running the class, and the midwife started by explaining what she would be covering during the session – it felt very much like school! She then asked it we were all due next month, and there was a slight pause as we all realised it was now July and a sudden moment of realisation for all of us that yes we were due next month!

They started the session by telling us about the later stages of pregnancy and that mood swings are perfectly natural – large amounts of hormones in the body and a massive life event looming is bound to affect us somehow – maybe this explains why I’ve been feeling quite so worried recently. They also told us that increased discharge is natural and can sometimes feel like peeing yourself or your waters breaking, however the substance is different so it’s easy to tell.

They then asked if anyone had packed their hospital bag – some had, some hadn’t. They told us a few things to make sure we included, and that we don’t need to bring a mass of nappies, just two or three, as it is something the hospital has spares of (that has just freed up half my suitcase!)

They then moved onto signs that precede labour, for example, spurts of energy that are also called nesting, stomach upsets and diarrhoea. They then moved onto saying that labour tends to start with losing the mucus plug which is also called a show, and this tends to be followed (not necessarily immediately – sometimes days later) by contractions. It is apparently very unusual for labour to start with the waters breaking as is often shown in films. But when the waters do finally go they should be straw coloured, (not greeny black which is caused by the baby pooping. This could be a sign of distress and you should tell the hospital). Contractions won’t start off regular, but will eventually get closer together and more regular, unlike Brixton hicks (which I have not experienced) which remain irregular. Apparently another way to distinguish them is that moving around can stop Braxton hicks, but will encourage contractions.

Something that I didn’t realise before the class was that the cervix is a tube and that the earliest stages of labour is the tube shortening before it starts to open.

In terms of going in to the hospital they told us that the contractions need to be about 4-5 minutes apart before you go in as at that point you reach about 4cm dilated and go into established labour, apparently before this point the contractions may stop completely and you can go back out of labour, maybe for days. They also told us not to worry that your contractions slow down when you do finally go into hospital as the hormones that cause stress can suppress labour, but when you relax again they will probably come back.

The next thing they discussed was pain relief and after listening to the pros and cons of all of them I have decided I am going to be very limited in what I will have! They told us to start off with paracetamol and a warm bath – I have been avoiding taking paracetamol all pregnancy as I’m not sure how it reacts with the Asprin I am taking daily. The next step up was a tens machine. Unfortunately my hospital doesn’t supply them as I have read some hospitals do, so it is necessary to privately hire them for around £30. After tens is gas and air, I will give this a go again, though last time I passed out from using it. We asked the midwife at the end how common this was and how likely it was to happen again and she reassured me it was unlikely to happen again. After gas and air came Pethidine which can have effects on the baby’s feeding up to a week after birth, and then they talked about epidurals. I pretty much stopped listening at this point as I know I don’t want one and if I have to have one for some reason I’d rather know as little as possible about it – though I know I’d rather have a general than an epidural!

Apparently they don’t tend to actually examine women unless they need to, they can normally tell just from looking at them how far gone they are!

Birthing positions were discussed too – from watching One Born Every Minute I’d assumed that it was likely that giving birth happened on a bed, but the midwife was adamant that that wasn’t going to happen! Lying on your back pushes the base of your spine into the area that baby’s head needs to come out therefore making labour difficult. A suggestion she came up with was pushing on the toilet. Apparently as you are used to straining on the loo it feels natural (she did reassure us that they put a bedpan in the loo just incase the midwife doesn’t catch!) this made the whole class giggle!

They explained that once baby is born they try to get them onto mums chest/tummy (depending on the length of the cord) as quickly as possible as they recognise the smell and can then find the nipple. They also talked about delayed cord clamping and how it can be left attached to baby for as long as you like, then you can decide whether to deliver the placenta naturally (can take about an hour and may cause additional bleeding) or to have an injection which makes the placenta deliver in about 10 minutes.

They ended the class at the point that the baby has been placed on the mothers chest and next week we are going from that point and through the first week of life.

I suppose it was always to be expected after losing my last pregnancy that I would be overprotective about this one, but I don’t think I could ever have known how much that would affect my day to day life.
I analyse everything that I do – read up about it, check all ingredients etc.
I do the simple and obvious things, I avoid alcohol, caffeine, raw eggs (avoiding raw cake mix is a killer when making a cake!) and all the other common knowledge things. This isn’t anything different or new, I did this in my last pregnancy too. But there are other things, less normal, less rational things.
During my last pregnancy I was driving 65miles a day commuting to and from work, during this pregnancy I worry when I have to drive 5miles. Driving had nothing to do with me losing my baby, there is no rational reason for this, but even when I get a lift with someone else I spend the entire journey braced stiffly in my seat with my seatbelt held away from my tummy just incase we crash and when I’m driving I dread starting off, drive so carefully people probably hate me, and breathe a massive sigh of relief when I get out of the car.
That’s not the most ridiculous – I wake many times during the night, not because I’m uncomfortable, not because I need the loo, but to check I am sleeping in the right positions, that I’m not on my back, that I’m not accidentally doing something to endanger my baby.
I refuse to move out of my bed in the morning until I have felt him move. I will lie there sometimes for half an hour or more talking to him just waiting for him to move and reassure me that he survived the night. Every morning.
Life has taken on a new angle during this pregnancy. Doing what I want doesn’t matter any more (I suppose this is good practise for him arriving), but if it’s not safe for baby then I won’t risk it. I am terrified of everything going wrong, no, I’m terrified of everything. I’m terrified of losing another baby and I’m terrified of it being my fault.
I know that when he is born I will continue worrying but about a whole new set of things, that I won’t let him out of my sight and that I will check on him very 5 minutes when he’s asleep, but I cannot wait for this new set of challenges.

I think I’ve gone into denial that I am going to be having a baby in a few short weeks time!
It’s crazy!
I am so used to having a bump that I now pass it off as normal, and don’t associate the movements I am feeling with an actual baby that will soon be on the outside! I talk to Jackson, my boy, little man, but don’t picture him as any more than a bump!
It’s only when I look at my pram, all set up and waiting do I suddenly have a jolt of realisation that soon there will be a baby in there, mine, my son, my responsibility, I’ll be his mummy, his future will be down to me.
Half my mind wants him out, knows that while he is still inside me that there is a chance that something will go wrong, my blood will clot, and he will die. I want him safe. My brain acknowledges that, but at the same time, while he is inside me I know how to look after him, I know what I’m doing. When he’s out I won’t have a clue what to do. I’m hoping nature will kick in at that point, that maternal instinct will help me, but at the same time, not allowing myself to believe I was pregnant for 30 weeks wasn’t helpful, and the fact my brain seems to have gone into denial again just 4 weeks later is even less so!

Today was the one from last planned four weekly growth scan, and in my new positive spirit I was hopeful about the outcome of today, but of course was a little apprehensive.  As I mentioned before Jacksons dad was unable to come to the scan due to work so I took my parents to show them Jackson on the ultrasound, and it was just as nice as I expected it to be.

I could tell from the beginning that the sonographer was going to be very thorough and she talked us through everything she was doing. She started measuring him head circumference and showed us his little face. It looked almost as clear as a 3D scan, seeing his eyes closed with his chubby cheeks – unfortunately she didn’t take a photo of this so the scan photos I got weren’t anything like as clear as this.

She then moved on and measured his kidneys and femur length. She had to ask me to roll onto my side to try to get him to move a little bit so she could measure his abdominal circumference but it did the trick and she managed to get the measurement. She again checked that he was a boy – definitely! No one could mistake that! She went on and measured fluid levels and they were all normal. She showed us his feet and told us he had lots of hair (I am going to take her word for that, I couldn’t make that out but she pointed out what showed this) she then went on to say something that has been worrying me since I read the scan report, but that she glossed over at the time, that my placenta was mature. She said at the time that it was normal, but mentioned it in the scan notes. From a little bit of internet research it doesn’t seem to be abnormal, but not ideal. I shall make sure I keep an extra close eye on his movements from now on (not that I wasn’t already) and will ask my midwife at my next appointment to clarify how serious I should be taking this.

After my scan I saw my maternal medicine consultant who told me everything was looking good and going in the right direction, I asked about when decisions would be made about induction and she told me that I could book it in now, but that it would be better to wait until the 38 week scan and make decisions then. If things aren’t going right then I could have him within 5 minutes! Hopefully it won’t come to that!

I saw a different thyroid consultant and she told me that she was very pleased with how things had been controlled so far, and that everything was still looking good with me off medication, but she also told me something that no one else had. She reiterated that the over active thyroid was likely to return about three months after birth, then said that if it did it was likely that the levels of medications needed to control it would prevent me breastfeeding, so it is possible, and even probable that I won’t be able to breastfeed for more than 3months. Something I really wanted to do. She has given me some blood test forms to use in the next few months and referred me to a non-maternal endocrinology consultant in 4 months to keep an eye on my levels so we can hopefully catch it early.

All in all it was a positive day, I’m quite gutted we didn’t get better pictures, especially after seeing how clear it was earlier in the scan, and I am ridiculously worried about my placenta, about not realising he is in trouble until it’s too late or him not growing as he should in the next 4 weeks. So fingers crossed it is just a normal amount of placental ageing and that it doesn’t affect him.

Today I had another midwife appointment – my regular midwife wasn’t there yet again. I got the impression that, as nice as she was, this midwife wanted me in and out as quickly as possible. This wasn’t an issue today as I didn’t have many questions, so after she had taken my blood pressure and checked my urine sample she measured my bump and listened to his heartbeat. His heartbeat was lovely and clear and he didn’t even wiggle a lot to make it difficult for her! But my bump measured the same as it did two weeks ago at my last appointment. It was measuring big at 32cm at 31 weeks and now it is measuring 32cm at 33 weeks, she said that she would normally refer me for a growth scan, however I already have one booked for Thursday so hopefully we will see what is going on. I am hopeful that it is just because it isn’t a particularly accurate art, measuring from where they feel the top of the uterus. Fingers crossed everything is ok at the scan on Thursday.
Yesterday I had a repeat blood test as requested by my midwife at our last appointment to check my iron levels as they were borderline last time. They came back borderline again so I am now on 210mg iron tablets three times a day. Apparently a side effect can be constipation, so I’m not looking forward to that!
I also received a phone call this morning from a heath visitor regarding an at home antenatal visit. Unfortunately when I told her I was in the process of moving addresses over to my new house from my parents and gave her my new address she realised that I wasn’t in her area so she is going to pass my details on to the right team. I’m sure I will find out more as to what that is about when I get a call from the new team.

It seems mad to say that I am now 33 weeks, but I really am, it’s really happening!
I’ve spent this entire pregnancy with a little voice in the back of my head telling me I won’t reach the end, that I won’t get to hold my little man, but with every week that goes by, and his every movement that gets stronger, I am listening to those voices less and less. I am growing with confidence that this is actually going to happen. Once I reached 30 weeks I let myself believe I was going to have a baby. Let myself imagine myself with a little one, in my arms, in a cot, going for walks, having baths and being kissed goodnight. I opened my mind to the fact that in 10 weeks that could be me. Now, three weeks on, I fully believe it WILL be me.
That’s not to say I don’t panic when I get a twinge in my tummy or I don’t feel him move for 5 minutes. I always will. But this pregnancy is going to plan. Every consultant and midwife visit is positive. His growth and fluid and heart all seems normal. There is no reason that I won’t get to take this baby home.
I have my 34 week growth scan in a week, his dad can’t come so my parents will get to see the little man on screen – the first time they’ll have seen him moving about, and I cannot wait to see their faces when they see it. Ultrasound has come a long way from when they were having me – you can actually tell what things are nowadays! I think it will be a great bonding experience for his grandparents! It’s crazy to think that in 7 weeks I can no longer call them mum and dad (in front of Jackson anyway)! They will change the names I have known them by for the last 22 years!
Occasionally it hits me that I have only got 7 weeks to go and then I start to panic about everything that still needs to be done. I haven’t even packed my hospital bag yet, there’s a crib to be built and bedding to buy. I have however, now bought some clothes. Only basic bodysuits and sleepsuits, but enough to get by with even if I don’t get anything else.
As scary as only having 7 weeks left is, I often find myself wanting time to get a wriggle on and hurry up so he can get here, but whenever I catch myself thinking this I panic that I am totally not ready and that even if he holds on the full 7 weeks I still won’t be ready! But in the next 7 weeks I will meet him! I like knowing this. Because they arent going to let me go over 40/40 I have a deadline, I know I won’t be waiting until 42/40.
Overall 33 weeks isn’t too bad at the moment. Moving around is getting harder now, and as I still have a bit of growing to do it will only get worse! Lying on the sofa is lovely, but getting up makes me look like a beetle on its back and even getting out of bed definitely takes more effort than it used to! I’m finding loo trips more regular and more urgent, though I am still managing to go through the night with no extra trips. However, during the day when I need to go, I need to get up and go THEN, but wiggling like a beetle on its back doesn’t help with needing the loo! I have got a few stretchmarks on my tummy, all heading downwards directly below my belly button, but they all appeared within the last week so I still have 7 more weeks to get plenty more. I am moisturising my bump daily so hopefully that can keep the worst at bay! All in all I can’t really complain. Pregnancy is treating me quite nicely at the moment!