Jackson is 8 months old! He’s over half a year old and now every day he creeps closer to that scary birthday when he will have been on this planet a whole year!

I don’t think I’ve done a month update before which is a shame – after an incredibly detailed pregnancy I have really slacked on updating my blog about his baby days, but honestly when is there time?! I seriously admire people who blog with a new baby, or maybe their babies are different to mine and sleep in their cots, or some days sleep at all! This said I think I have kept notes of all his major milestones so hopefully I won’t live to regret not keeping detailed notes – after all, what would I record and what wouldn’t I? He is changing and developing so rapidly!

So at 8 months I have a baby (toddler?!) who prefers to be on his feet, who is starting to walk around the furniture, who can sit, crawl, pull himself up, feed himself and clap, but cannot for the life of him sleep in his own cot (but that’s ok, I can’t have everything!)

He seems to be developing quickly, a few days after rolling over he was up on all fours. It took him a while to get the crawling down, he started off commando crawling on his tummy but can now crawl properly, but a day after learning to do that he was pulling himself up. He doesn’t seem satisfied with what he can do, he always wants to do something more. I’m still convinced that it is all driven by the fact that he wants to reach, grab and get to more things to put in his mouth!

This is all great, he is by far the most advanced out of the babies his age I know, but I am not bragging- everyone says he’s clever and he is, but what I wouldn’t give to put him down and be able to walk way and find him there when I got back! What I wouldn’t give to not be shopping for stair gates (he can climb the bottom step and I haven’t left him to experiment any further!) I know that from now to when he goes to school (or maybe uni) I have my hands full keeping him out of mischief. He is a full time job, I cannot leave him loose for a second because he will have pulled himself up on the sofa and probably fallen back and smacked his head on the floor (he has done this a few times when I have been watching, and you think it’s scary them falling back from sitting….!)

We started weaning at 6 months so he’s been weaning for 2 months. In some ways it feels like a lifetime! I started with baby led weaning, but he just freaked out when the food got to the back of his throat, so I tried him with baby porridge. This seemed to slowly introduce him to the idea of swallowing solids and now he will happily chomp through a bread stick (though I’m sure more ends up on the floor than in his tummy!) he just needed a gentle introduction. He is fussy about what he will eat from a spoon, preferring fruit purees to savoury foods, but he will give anything a go if he can pick it up. Although feeding is going well, he hates water! I started him with a baby cup, but he couldn’t get anything out, I tried a different one and it came out too fast and he got soaked. I tried him with a beaker and he acted like he was drowning when I tipped it up (going so far as to grab onto me, hold his breath and cough) and so I got him a bottle, being exclusively breastfed this was new for him and he still won’t get the hang of it. I’m pretty sure he thinks water is an accidental side effect of him chewing on the bottle. Hopefully he will get there, I will have to persevere with that one!

We have started swimming with Water Babies, and knowing how he is with drinking water I was expecting the worst, but he wasn’t that bad. He clung to me like a baby monkey to start with but slowly grew in confidence, he even goes underwater and doesn’t scream!

My baby boy is growing up scarily fast, he is totally unrecognisable from the baby I brought home from hospital in both looks and abilities!! I feel like if I’d blinked I would have missed everything that has happened, and that’s terrfying!

2 years ago I first found out I was pregnant with Effy-Mae, and since that moment I have wanted nothing else but to be a mother. I made a conscious decision to give up my job and dedicate my life to my children, and this is why it confuses me when people sound like they’re giving me a way out when they say we should go out and have someone look after Jackson.
I get that some parents like that, time away from the children, time away for themselves, but that’s not me! I wish I could spend 100% of my time with him! I hate leaving him when I shower (though I know I need to shower!) so a day out shopping or to the cinema or a night out without him sounds awful. I’m sure this may change as he grows up, but at the moment I want to make the most of every moment.
In a month I am leaving him for an evening with his grandparents, and I’m absolutely dreading it! I know he will be fine, he loves them and I’m only a 20minute drive away, but that doesn’t stop the illogical part of my brain panicking!

When I describe myself now, I don’t describe myself, I say I’m a mother and describe my children, and I love that! I myself am nothing interesting, but my children are everything! I am a mother before anything else. I have made a decision to pause my life to start his and wouldn’t have it any other way.

Don’t tell me how my son should sleep, or eat, or cry! Even if you’ve had children yourself, just don’t!
Times change, my parenting style is different to yours (firmly in the attachment parenting group here (accidentally but happily)) and each child is different.
If you don’t have children, definitely don’t tell me how to parent!
I’m not unhappy with how we are at the moment, and if I was then I’d ask for help.
We co-sleep. Happily. I try him in his cot occasionally, but he doesn’t like it and wakes up and crys and I’m not going to force the issue because I like having him in with me. I like waking up and checking he’s ok and that if he crys because he’s teething or hungry or just sad then I am right there. He will sleep in his cot eventually. I’m sure when he’s a bit older we won’t like it so much and he will be able to sleep without me, but that’s ok. That time will come, in its own time. No. In HIS own time.
I’m currently weaning him and am doing a mix of purées and Baby Led Weaning and we are going with that! He’s getting some food down himself, playing with the rest and the best thing of all, enjoying it. I don’t mind that he’s not shovelling down bowl after bowl of mushy puréed peas, he’s not even 7 months so I’m happy with what we have achieved!
I am definitely not going to leave my son to cry. No. Never. (Well maybe 10mins when I’m on the loo, but nature calls and all that!) but not intentionally. I’m not going to leave him crying to settle and go back in occasionally. Stop suggesting it. Yes, maybe our parents did it, but they also let us lick lead paint and let us play outside alone. Times change.

I’m not worried about how my son is growing up. He’s happy, hes active (he’s crawling – goodness me he is the first of the babies I know to be doing that.) He will sleep in his own bed and eat food properly with a knife and fork when he is good and ready and you nagging me doesn’t help that, doesn’t speed that along, it just irritates me. I know what I’m doing and how to achieve what I want (or at least head in the direction I want) I don’t have plans, he wouldn’t stick to them anyway. I’m being led by him, what he wants and needs and I couldn’t be happier with how we are doing.

I knew that I’d be nervous about Jackson, after losing Effy-Mae I am constantly terrified about losing him too.
Before he was born I picked out the monitor I wanted, the all singing, all dancing sound, video and movement monitor from AngelCare. Even now, I daren’t put him down in his cot for more than 5 minutes without turning on the movement monitor. What if in the 5 minutes I’m on the loo he stops breathing?? It’s silly. Totally ridiculous. It’s something I’ve had to let go of a bit for cosleeping, obviously the movement sensor would just pick up my movements in the bed so I have to go without when he’s in with me, and this still scares me every time. I’m trying to wean him off it and get him into his own cot, but he seems fairly attached!
When I drive with him in the car I take extra care, driving slowly, leaving bigger stopping distances than normal, and I trust myself more than anyone else. When someone else is driving I sit next to him ready to throw myself over him if anything happens, constantly on edge. I don’t get people who don’t take extra care when he’s in the car – his dad drove us down to Kent to see some of his family and was leaving a car length stopping distance at 70mph. I spent the whole journey leaning over Jackson, fingers on his chin to stop his head whipping forwards if we crashed. Again it’s excessive, I’m sure most parents just put them in the car seat and think no more of it, but I just can’t. I run through every eventuality in my head!
At a group the other day there were older children around and they stood over him and another child of a similar age to him, their feet were getting close to their faces and I picked him straight up out of the situation but the other mum just left her child there. She was more trusting of the other children than me and her child was fine, but I just couldn’t take that risk! It was a similar situation with some toys out in a room, Jackson pulled a foily sheet over his face and I instantly took it off again and pushed it away from him – what if it smothered him? What if I was talking to another mum and didn’t notice? But another baby did the exact same thing and it’s mum just watched it and again baby was fine. I know I overreacted!
I’ve surprised myself though in one sense, I’m not worried about germs! If his dummy goes on the floor (at home) as long as it doesn’t have any hairs on he can have it back – obviously out in public it’s a different story. I let him play with and suck toys at play groups and in general I’m not worried! I’d expected myself to be overprotective in this aspect too, but I’ve come to the realisation that he is tougher than he looks!

I know that I’m overprotective, but I know what losing a child is like and I can’t go through it again.

I love this quote because it’s so very true.
My parents are amazing and as I expected are making fantastic grandparents.
Since I was little I always wanted to have my children young for two reasons.
1) My parents were older when they had me (there’s a 12 year age gap between me and my older brothers) so they were always older than the other parents in the playground and I wanted my children to have the ‘cool younger mum’ – though times have changed and I am by no means young by today’s standards!
2) I wanted my children to know their grandparents. I barely knew mine, one died before I was born and the last one when I was 6. I’ve always felt I missed a special relationship there and I wanted my children to have this, and the flipside to this, and I think my main driving reason was I wanted my parents to be grandparents and to see their grandchildren grow up.
Although I have older brothers, neither have had children yet so with Jackson being the first grandchild that they have got to spend time with (Effy-Mae will always be the firstborn) he is being very well spoilt – both affection and toy wise!
I am so proud that I got to give my parents this experience, I love watching the special bond develop between grandparents and grandson and hopefully they will get to become grandparents many more times over in the near future as they definitely deserve it.

Everyone says that you lose friends when you have a baby, but I never believed them. My group of friends was tight-knit. I’d known them mostly since I was 11 so they had stood the test of time.
When I was pregnant with Effy-Mae they were excited – almost as excited as me, and when I lost her they were all there for me, coming back from far afield to see me before I went in to deliver her. I texted them throughout my labour, they kept me strong after, assuring me they were always there. I threw myself into the friendships then, talking more and we became even closer.
When I announced I was pregnant again, they were the first to know, at the same time as my parents. Throughout the pregnancy they got more and more excited, sending me pictures of clothes they had bought him, liking all the photos I put on Facebook, following my Twitter and blog for updates, assuring me that they’d see him as soon as he was born. They seemed as excited as me. When I broke up with Jacksons dad they supported me through it and filled that emotional void in my life.
After he was born some stuck to their words and see him as often as possible. Others have absolutely broken my heart. Those I considered my best friends have only just seen come to him at 5months old – others still haven’t seen him. I don’t know what changed, what made them suddenly not want to know, but even when I send them pictures of him (very occasionally as there seems little point) they rarely even comment so much as an aww they just change the subject.
I’ve tried since he was born to make new friends with mums of babies the same age, for his sake as much as mine, but that doesn’t seem to be going so well either.
I’m lonely.
My New Years resolution is to find new friends and I’m joining lots of groups to try to make this become a reality because I can’t go on having the only conversations with adults being with my parents or via whatsapp!

Jackson is 6 Months old on Wednesday.
How did that happen?
He is not my newborn baby boy of the summer anymore. He is into everything and will, I reckon, soon be crawling – he’s already dragging himself around with his arms. He will be starting to wean on Wednesday, leaving the complete reliance of breastfeeding behind. He will soon be sitting in his high chair, throwing mushed up vegetables at my walls!
It doesn’t seem 5 minutes since I was hugely pregnant, struggling to breastfeed, worrying about taking him out and about, but on the other hand it seems like a lifetime ago. I am so used to him now I can normally tell what he wants and when he will want it before he asks.
He has grown so much – newborn clothes used to be too big for him, but now he’s firmly in 3-6month clothes, even outgrowing some of them! His once skinny legs are chubby and his face has filled out no end. He is now a properly handsome boy – even if I do say so myself!
He hasn’t started teething yet however they are bothering him as he dribbles a lot and is shoving everything in his mouth. I think this is also affecting his sleeping as he uses me as a comfort blanket when things get sore. I’m trying not to dose him up on teething gels and Calpol however sometimes it is unavoidable as he’s been screaming in pain.
He’s been rolling over for weeks, can pick up his dummy and put it back in his mouth and he started clapping on Christmas Day!
He’s always preferred being stood up since he was tiny, but now he stands up with minimal support and he bounces like mad too! His new nickname is Tigger!
I have bought him a ‘Baby Bud’ booster seat from Mamas and Papas ready for weaning which he has been enjoying with his activity tray since Christmas. It stores nicely on a dining chair thus taking up no extra room which is handy in a small house. He seems to enjoy it and manages to sit up with only a little support on his lower back. I don’t think it’ll be long until he’s sitting unaided.

Watching him grow and develop so quickly is amazing. He is fast becoming his own person. He hates being still – we started baby massage and while all the other babies are lying there quite happily he wants to be rolling over and seeing what’s going on and what there is to play with! It’s kind of annoying that he doesn’t like baby massage but it’s amazing to see him so much more into things than the other babies of the same age. Something tells me I am going to have my hands full with him, but he is still my little baby.
Being a single parent I think the bond is a lot stronger than it would’ve been necessarily as a family unit as it has just been the two of us. His dad visits a couple of times a week but obviously Jackson is more attached to me. It has its disadvantages too as night feeds are not fun when it’s you only doing them – I found that cosleeping helped in the early days, however I am finding it difficult to break that habit and get him into his own cot now. I see my parents quite a lot, be it them popping over for a cuppa and a cuddle or me going to theirs for a good square meal. Without them I would have gone insane a long time ago.
The last six months have been a huge learning curve. This parenting lark is hard. I would have been lost without all the help I’ve had from my family, but I think I am getting the hang of it. This little boy is literally growing before my eyes and it is scary and amazing in equal measure. But more than anything I love him with all my heart.